Karma, Fate or the Universes Cruel Sense of Humour
by dawneh
Summary: 10 years after Craig Dean left Hollyoaks he spots a familiar face... but after 10 years can you really get back what you lost... and should you even try?
1. Chapter 1

At 28 John Paul McQueen sometimes wondered if he was getting too old to still be playing the DJ at the local nightclub. Not that this was his "normal" job of course. At some time since leaving HCC he seemed to fall into work at an accountants that provided him with a generous income that more that covered his needs. Even when taking into account the extortionate rent he now paid on the Manchester flat he had occupied for the last two years. But while his day-job paid the bills and gave him a comfortable lifestyle it was the one Saturday night a month spent as a DJ that fed his soul.

His love for music had never faded and he still got the same rush when he saw the crowds reacting to his choice of tunes. How he could excite them into a frenzy only to bring them crashing back down with a simple mix of tracks. He might sometimes feel he was getting too old for this but he never once seriously considered walking away from it.

John Paul had been playing this particular club for 18 months now and had gained quite a following. On the rare occasion when he was unable to fill his scheduled slot he was soon told how much he was missed and offered the next week, or the week after, or indeed any other time he could make himself available.

He smiled at the sight of the dancing bodies below the DJ booth. It was still quite early but already the regular crowd had gathered to succumb to John Paul's choices and to dance until the late hour meant they had to begrudgingly make their way home.

Holding the headphones to one ear John Paul smoothly blended one track into another. He still preferred to use vinyl and did so whenever it was possible but, as the years passed, he was finding less and less record companies chose to produce their music this way and was having to revert to more digital versions, which never gave him the satisfaction of mixing the tunes together that an old fashioned record did.

As it was still early John Paul had been indulging his own personal favourites and had pulled some old records from his collection. As he pulled down the dial to complete the change of tracks John Paul turned his gaze to the nightclub to see their reactions.

He smiled as the crowds below him continued to dance. It seemed that classic music never really went out of style. There were many familiar faces on the dance floor and John Paul felt gratitude at their continued support.

Then his eyes fell on a stranger near the entrance and he froze.

It couldn't be.

Not after all these years.

It wasn't possible.

Was it?

As he looked he could see the rich brown hair, longer than he remembered, curling gently over his shirt collar. Deep brown eyes that could always melt his heart. A full soft mouth with that mole, that unforgettable mole just asking to be kissed.

He was certain that his heart had stopped.

It was him.

It was Craig.

Distracted by the sight of the man before him John Paul's hand caught the arm of the record deck causing the needle to screech loudly over the record before plunging the club into silence.

There were some good-hearted cheers and applause from the crowd at John Paul's mishap and he fumbled clumsily to get the record playing again, his face flushed, but not with embarrassment.

As he looked up again John Paul saw those eyes looking directly at him. Those sensuous brown eyes. Craig's eyes.

---

Craig hadn't planned to go into the club but when he heard the music, familiar tunes from a past life, he seemed unable to prevent his feet from turning and taking him inside.

The club was much like any other around Manchester. Full of life and noise; a perfect place to lose himself in.

He was about to head to the bar when the music came to an abrupt and screaming halt as the DJ obviously knocked the needle across the record.

As with most of the club's customers Craig's eyes turned to the raised DJ booth and he felt his breath catch in his chest.

It couldn't be.

Not after all these years.

It wasn't possible.

Was it?

The dark blonde hair, the soft smooth skin, the strongly muscled (but not overly so) arms and, when the DJ corrected his error and looked into the crowd Craig saw the brightest blue eyes he had ever known. No matter how long he lived or how many people he met nothing would ever come close to the beauty of those eyes. Of his eyes. John Paul's eyes.

---

The two men stood locked in each other's gaze for an eternity. It was as if the rest of the club had been changed into soft focus, the volume lowered to a vague background buzz. All they could see was each other. Neither man moved, they hardly breathed, they just looked, looked into the face of the man neither expected ever to see again.

John Paul felt the familiar rush in his heart. It had been ten years since he last saw Craig Dean and he had long since told himself that he had gotten over the man. But now, faced with him once again, John Paul had to admit his heart had never let go of him, not for a second.

He swallowed hard as the memories of the last time he saw Craig came crashing back into his mind. Memories he had tried to block out, memories of a pain he had thought he would never survive.

He could remember standing alone in Liverpool's John Lennon Airport as Craig walked away. He walked away leaving John Paul to face life alone, to face their friends and families alone. He walked away and he never looked back, not once.

Craig felt like someone had taken all the air from the room. He struggled to breathe, to think, to do anything but stare. It had been ten years since he last saw John Paul McQueen and he had long since convinced himself that what they shared had only been a fleeting fancy. But now, faced with him once again, Craig had to admit that he still felt the same yearning, the same longing and maybe even the same love.

He thought back to the last time he saw John Paul. Leaving him had been so hard but at the time he had been too afraid to make any other choice.

He could remember leaving John Paul standing alone at the airport as he walked away. He had gripped his bag so tightly that he thought his fingers might break and he left. He walked away without looking back. He couldn't look back. He knew just one more look at John Paul would have broken his heart. One more look would have made him change his mind. Looking back was too hard so he looked ahead and walked as fast as he could, leaving behind him the first true love of his life.

---

Craig didn't know where he found the strength but finally his feet moved and he slowly approached the DJ booth. John Paul had changed the record again, acting on autopilot as his eyes hardly left Craig's face and, as he saw the man coming towards him, he left the security of the booth and met Craig on level ground at the edge of the dance floor.

Craig licked his lips nervously. If he had know John Paul would be here he could have rehearsed what he was going to say but the unexpected shock gave him no chance to think and he opened his mouth to let the words fall out in a random heap.

"John Paul," he stammered, "I can't believe you're here… how are you… you look great… how are you doing? I mean you look great so you must be doing well… how long have you been living in Manchester?"

Craig wished that John Paul would speak, would say something to interrupt his inane ramblings, but when the man finally opened his mouth it was only to say one word. The word seemed to be pulled painfully from his throat and he winced as it passed his lips.

"Craig…"

Craig felt his insides quiver at the sound of his name in John Paul's voice. Despite the volume of the music and the presence of the club's customers it was still loud and clear in his ears. The most beautiful thing he had ever heard in the longest time.

With a long forgotten instinct Craig reached his hand to John Paul's cheek, touching the soft cheek that he had once kissed, the smooth skin that he had once caressed.

John Paul was surprised to see Craig stagger backwards suddenly. It wasn't until he saw the blood coming from Craig's mouth and felt the pain in his knuckles that it registered what had happened, that he realised he had hit the man he once loved.

Craig's eyes were wide in disbelief. Of all the welcomes he had anticipated this one had never crossed his mind.

"John Paul… what??"

From nowhere strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly.

"He causing trouble JP?" a gruff voice asked.

Craig turned his head to see two dickie-bowed bouncers looming over him. They hadn't seen the altercation but they knew John Paul and if he felt the need to punch this man then there had to be good reason.

"It's OK," John Paul reassured him, "Unfinished business… but it's over now… he's just leaving."

"John Paul please…"

"Just go Craig…"

"I never got to say I was sorry."

"Go… please..."

"Can't we talk? Not here, maybe back at your place."

"I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that," John Paul felt some slight satisfaction as Craig flinched at his words, "Now go… and don't come back."

Craig felt the tears begin to build in his eyes as he turned to leave, tears he couldn't let John Paul see. It seemed that at least one of them had been able to move on.

John Paul stood silently as he watched Craig's retreating back.

Again Craig left and again he never looked back, not once.

---

John Paul collapsed onto the sofa in complete exhaustion.

Usually after a DJ set he would return home physically tired but emotionally fulfilled, the love of the job and the excitement he felt each time he played a new tune far outweighing the ache in his bones or the sleep he craved after another late night. This night was different and he felt totally drained with an exhaustion he hadn't felt in a long time. He closed his eyes and rested his arm across his face as he leant back, letting the softness of the sofa take the full weight of his weariness.

He didn't move or open his eyes until he heard the familiar sound of a cup being placed on the coffee table before him and the warmth of another body taking the seat next to him.

John Paul opened his eyes and tried to smile at the man beside him, but the smile was forced and the effort made his cheeks ache.

Simon wasn't much of a clubber but he was always waiting at the flat for John Paul to get home, with a fresh cup of tea and open welcoming arms. John Paul felt a wave of guilt as he realised his thoughts had been totally occupied with Craig.

For two years he had shared his life and his home with this man and somehow in a matter of a few minutes Craig had managed to replace him in John Paul's mind.

As he looked into the soft grey eyes of the man he loved John Paul felt a tremendous sense of guilt. Those gentle eyes that had always looked on him with love and compassion, with understanding and desire, the eyes that had made him feel whole again, made him feel safe, the eyes that he thought he would spend the rest of his life looking into. This time when John Paul looked into them he was ashamed to admit that he wished it was those beautiful brown eyes looking back at him with love.

Simon could see an unusual weariness on John Paul's face and he wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, pulling the man's head onto his shoulder and taking hold of his hand.

John Paul winced for a second as Simon squeezed his hand and Simon noticed the damaged to John Paul's knuckles.

"What's happened?" Simon asked with concern, "Was there trouble at the club?"

It would have been so easy to lie, to pass his cut and bruised knuckles off as the result of a bar fight and John Paul was tempted to do just that. But he had had enough lies in his life and he had always promised himself that he would never lie to Simon, he would share his life with the man completely, no matter how difficult that might sometime be.

"Craig turned up." Three simple words and yet saying them made John Paul feel physically ill.

"Craig?" Simon paused to let the words sink in, "THE Craig..?"

A couple of years earlier, when John Paul's relationship with Simon had moved onto talk of living together John Paul had finally been able to open his heart up completely to this man and had told him all about his troubled relationship with Craig. Simon knew just what that man had meant to his lover and the news that he had walked back into his life was nearly as shocking to Simon as he knew it must have been to John Paul.

"What happened?"

"I hit him. And I told him to leave... so he left..." John Paul's voice sounded heavy with a pain and grief that he had long since managed to bury until the sight of those two gentle brown eyes had brought it all back to him.

"You didn't talk to him then?"

"What could he possibly have to say after all this time?"

"You never know. It could have helped... you should see him again... talk to him." Simon hated making that suggestion but he knew that if John Paul didn't make the effort to speak to Craig again he would always be left wondering just what the man might have had to say.

"I don't know how to get hold of him... I don't think I'll see him again..."

"He'll be back."

"I doubt it - I told him not to come back."

"He'll be back," Simon repeated with confidence. He knew under different circumstances he wouldn't have been able to walk away, not even if John Paul had asked, not without speaking to him, not without making his peace.

As John Paul held the sleeping form of his boyfriend in his arms his thoughts strayed back to Craig. No matter how hard he tried to block them from his mind he couldn't help but wonder what had brought the man back into his life that night. Where had Craig been for the last ten years, what had he done and how did he feel after all this time?

John Paul knew how he felt, even if he wasn't ready to admit it yet, not even to himself.

---

John Paul sighed as the telephone rang. The caller ID showed that it was the club ringing and that could only mean that one of the other DJ's had been unable to make it that night and they wanted him to cover. Under normal circumstances the prospect would have filled John Paul with excitement, but it had been four days since he saw Craig inside those walls, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to go back there just yet.

John Paul picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"JP mate, sorry to bother you," John Paul knew the voice of the bar manager anywhere and he was already thinking his excuses why he couldn't work that night.

"What is it?"

"That bloke, the one you thumped the other night… he's here again… actually he's been here every night since… we keep telling him you aren't due to work for a few weeks but he refuses to listen… D'you want us to bar him?"

John Paul couldn't believe what he was hearing. Craig was there now, waiting for him. Every night – waiting for him. Craig might have left again without looking back but this time he actually returned. He had returned for John Paul.

"JP you still there?"

"Yeah sorry I'm here… Look it's OK don't bar him… I'll come down… I guess the unfinished business still isn't quite finished… I'll be there soon."

From the snippet of the conversation Simon had heard he knew the reason that John Paul was already reaching for his keys and slipping on his jacket.

"He came back?"

"Yeah…"

"Told you he would…"

"Look," John Paul paused uncertainly, "D'you want to come with me."

Simon smiled, fully aware that John Paul's offer was one of consideration rather than a real desire for his company.

"It's OK," he said shaking his head, "You go, this is something you need to sort out yourself."

John Paul felt relief at Simon's answer, quickly followed by guilt at his relief. He brushed a kiss softly against the lips he had loved for the last two years.

"I won't be long."

"Take as long as you need…"

"I'll see you when I get home."

With that John Paul left.

"If you come home," Simon whispered sadly to the closed door.

---

John Paul spotted Craig the second he walked into the club. Even before the bar manager pointed him out instinct had told him where the man would be.

He walked slowly over to the corner table where Craig was sat with his back to the room. The man turned as John Paul approached. It might have been 10 years but somehow Craig still knew when John Paul was in the room.

John Paul winced as he saw the deep purple bruise surrounding the cut on Craig's mouth, a sense of shame and regret washed over him. Violence was so alien to John Paul's nature that the realisation he had inflicted this to another human being, much less to Craig, made him afraid that his emotions relating to Craig could still run so high.

Craig smiled around his cut lip. "I knew you would come... they said you weren't due for days... but I knew you would come."

"They called me and said you were here," John Paul replied taking a seat opposite his old lover, "What do you want Craig?"

"To see you... to talk to you... that's not too much to ask is it?" Craig reached out to take John Paul's hand but it was snatched away from him.

"Ten years Craig, you've waited ten years... why now?"

"That's hardly fair... it's not like I've know where you were..."

"You knew when I was still in Hollyoaks... you knew when you walked away from me... but you didn't feel the need to talk to me then..."

"I wanted to... I really did..."

"Have you any idea how long I waited Craig... but there was nothing, no letter, no phone call not even a text. You walked out and it was like I'd never existed. Every time my phone rang, every time the postman came I hoped that I would hear from you... but there was nothing... in 10 years Craig, not a single word and NOW you want to talk?"

"I wrote letters to you John Paul... so many times..."

"I never received anything ..."

"I never posted them," Craig's eyes were shrouded behind their thick dark lashes, "I started a thousand texts and deleted them, I dialled your number a hundred times and hung up before it connected. What could I have said John Paul? What could I have possibly said to make it better?"

"Three words Craig, that's all I needed, just three words to let me know you hadn't forgotten me... three words to let me know I still mattered to you but all I got was silence..."

"I'm sorry," Craig lifted his gaze to look into the cool blue of John Paul's eyes, "I was wrong... about so many things but by the time I knew what really mattered I'd left it too late... too much time had passed... I didn't know what to do..."

They observed each other in silence. Ten years had changed so much between them. Ten years had changed nothing between them.

"I got married." Craig blurted out the words as if they burned his mouth.

"Congratulations." John Paul's voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Don't..."

"Isn't that what you're supposed to say when an old friend tells you their good news?"

Craig shook his head sadly. "I said I got married... not that I AM married... It didn't work out... nothing's ever worked not since..."

"I'm sorry to hear that... but wasn't that what you always wanted? The wife, the kids, the pretence at the normal life... everything I couldn't give you."

"I thought it was... I thought that was what I needed but I was wrong... about everything."

"Why are you here Craig, why now? What do you want from me?" John Paul felt drained. Simply being so close to Craig again was more difficult that he could have imagined. He was torn between a desire to run from the man as fast as he could and to hold him close and never let him go again.

"I didn't know you were here... not when I walked into the club the other day... I was just passing and somehow this place called me in… It was - I don't know... Karma? Fate?"

John Paul laughed. "Or maybe the Universe just has a really cruel sense of humour... why couldn't you have found me sooner? Why couldn't fate have lead you to me a couple of years ago?"

"So you DO have someone then?"

"Did you think I just said that to make you jealous?"

"I wasn't sure. Do you love him?"

The question took John Paul back years. He could almost feel the McQueen's kitchen cupboard against his back, like it had been the last time Craig had asked that question. He could feel his heart racing like it had when Craig asked that question about Spike.

"Do you love him?"

Back then the answer had been easy... "Not as much as I love you..."

But what was his answer now? He loved Simon, he really did... and Craig? So much time had passed could what he felt now still be called love?

"Well?" Craig was still waiting for an answer.

"Yes," John Paul said softly, "I love him."

Craig took a gentle hold of John Paul's hand. "I'm glad I found you again," he said quietly, "Even if it was only to get the chance to say I'm sorry."

Craig got to his feet and reluctantly let go of John Paul's hand. "Have a good life John Paul, you deserve it."

Craig turned and left the club. He left John Paul behind and, for the third time, he never looked back.

---

The chair beneath him felt cold and hard as John Paul watched Craig walking away again. A million voices seemed to scream inside his head, each one telling him to do something different. Go after Craig or go back home to Simon… two choices and either one of them could be the right one but how was he supposed to know?

He stood up suddenly causing the chair to topple over and crash noisily to the ground. He had to do something. He couldn't just sit there and wait for fate to decide, not this time. The only problem being that he still had no clue what he wanted to do.

Craig leant against the wall of the club with a sigh. The air around him was damp and cold but that wasn't what was making him shiver. There was a much deeper cold buried inside him that was chilling him to the bone and he thought that he might never feel warm again.

There had been so many times over the last ten years when he hadn't thought about John Paul for days, weeks and sometimes even months. But in the end there was always something that would bring those memories crashing back into his mind leaving him gasping for air and wishing beyond all hope that he had done things differently.

One day a song might come on the radio that John Paul used to play, or an old TV show would be running that he had once watched with John Paul and sometimes, the hardest of all, were the times he would catch a glimpse of bright blue eyes and imagine, just for a second, that those eyes were his, only to be disappointed seconds later when the man proved to be too short, or too fat… or too many other things that would make him not John Paul.

Walking into that club Craig had, for a moment, assumed that his mind was again seeing what his hearted wanted it to. But this time it had been John Paul. Without warning or preparation he had found him again, but he had found him too late.

John Paul had done the one thing that Craig still hadn't managed to. He had found love and he had moved on.

Craig's hands felt cold and clammy as he covered his face. Why had fate let him find John Paul now? Why now when all that was left for him to do was to walk away? Why now, when John Paul didn't need him anymore?

The hand that rested on Craig's shoulder felt warm. Not just the warm of one persons touch against another, not just the warm of the heat of one persons skin against the cool of the others but a heat that radiated through his body and made the cold inside him begin to thaw.

Craig didn't need to look up to know whose hand was touching him, giving him such heat, but he looked anyway. He looked into the dazzling blue eyes that had haunted his dreams, haunted his waking hours, he looked and he felt his heart ache with the knowledge that those eyes now looked on another man with love.

"I love Simon," John Paul said softly, "I really do…"

Craig let his gaze fall to the cold hard ground beneath his feet. Why did John Paul feel the need to come and tell him this again? Did he hate Craig that much that he wanted to make him suffer as much as he could?

"I love him," John Paul repeated as he placed his hand under Craig's chin and lifted his face to meet John Paul's level stare, "But that doesn't mean I don't still love you… I never stopped loving you no matter how hard I tried… It IS possible to love two people at the same time isn't it Craig? You know that better than anyone."

Craig felt elated at John Paul's words but at the same time he felt a pain for his old friend, his old lover. Loving two people was never easy. Choosing between them could sometimes be impossible. Was he really in any position to ask John Paul to make that choice? And if he did could he be certain that he would be the one chosen?

"What do we do now?" Craig asked leaning his face into the hand that still rested against it.

"I don't know," John Paul admitted sadly. "I don't want to hurt Simon… but I can't have you walk out of my life again… not again…"

"Then ask me to stay and I will… if that's what you really want."

John Paul couldn't find the words to answer but as his lips touched against Craig's they both understood his reply.

Craig's mouth felt as soft as John Paul remembered and it tasted as sweet. It was hot against his own and as Craig's arms pulled him in close John Paul experienced a tremendous sensation of falling, of falling so deep and so far that he would never be able to escape and he wasn't sure he would even try.

The pressure of John Paul's mouth against his own made Craig whimper slightly as John Paul's lips pressed directly onto the bruising he had received at the hands of that very man. But Craig didn't want the kiss to end, not for a second. Holding John Paul again, kissing him again, that was worth such a minor discomfort. John Paul still loved him and for the first time in as long as Craig could remember he felt alive again, he felt saved.

Neither of them noticed the man watching them from across the street. They didn't see the soft grey eyes filled with tears. They didn't see those same tears begin to tumble over the smooth cheeks. They didn't hear the sobs as the man turned away and made his lonely way back home.

They didn't see anything but each other. They didn't notice anything but how good it felt to be together again.

"Stay with me tonight," Craig asked breathlessly.

John Paul nodded. He couldn't let Craig go, not now. He couldn't be without him in his life again. No matter what the cost Craig was worth it. Wasn't he?

---

Craig's flat was on the third floor of an old Victorian-looking building but John Paul didn't notice that. The door to his flat opened into a small hallway with several doors leading off it but John Paul didn't notice that either.

The only thing he saw was Craig.

Craig Dean here in his arms. Holding him, kissing him and wanting him.

John Paul kissed the man in his arms with a passion that had built up with ten years of being apart. For ten years he hadn't been able to lose himself in the rich brown of those eyes, he hadn't been able to kiss those full soft lips and he hadn't been able to hold him close and feel their excitement grow together.

For ten years John Paul hadn't been able to share these things with Craig and now the ten years of need seemed to explode from him in a show of frantic desire as he held Craig hard against the wall, tearing at his clothes and kissing him so hard that Craig's split lip began to bleed again.

"Bedroom," Craig panted trying to indicate one of the doors in the hallway.

"Too far," John Paul insisted as he pulled at Craig's shirt, buttons scattering as they gave up their resistance to his urgency.

John Paul's mouth was hot against Craig's and he could taste the tang of copper as the cut on Craig's lip continued to bleed. John Paul licked gently at it, taking the taste of Craig's very life into his mouth, savouring it as Craig's tongue pushed its way between his lips to explore the depths of the mouth it had so long been denied.

John Paul took a hold of Craig's face in his hands and looked deeply into his eyes, into his very soul.

"Tell me that you love me Craig," he said with desperation, "Tell me this is worth it…"

"Loving you is the only thing that has ever been right in my whole life," Craig replied, "And I even managed to mess that up… I won't do that again… I love you John Paul… always… for the rest of my life."

John Paul's mouth collided with Craig's again. He wasn't sure if it was the reassurance of Craig's words or the urgency of his own body that drove him on but as his kisses grew more fevered and his hands explored every inch of bare flesh that he could find John Paul knew that his desire for Craig was strong that it ever had been before.

Craig moaned softly as John Paul's teeth nipped at his neck and his tongue heated the flesh beneath it to boiling point.

John Paul's hands tore at Craig's belt with desperation as he strove to gain access to the trousers that kept him from his goal.

Craig's hands fought their way underneath John Paul's top and his fingers clawed at his flesh as John Paul slipped his hand into Craig's boxers and gripped tightly onto the hard cock hidden inside.

"God Craig I want you so much…" John Paul panted, "I need you… I need to…"

John Paul's eyes were filled with lust and the very sight of them made Craig's cock ache. That John Paul still wanted him so much, still desired him and it was something that he wanted too, even more than he had realised until John Paul had touched him and reawakened the desires that he had kept hidden for so long.

"John Paul," Craig breathed, his hands now inside John Paul's trousers, caressing the hardness of his cock, stroking every inch of it as it pulsed heavily in his palm. "I need this… please… remind me how good this feels… how good you feel inside me."

John Paul kissed Craig again, his tongue swirling inside the heat of his mouth before turning the man from him and easing his trousers down below his hips.

"I've missed you Craig… so much." John Paul's breath was hot on Craig's neck and he could feel the length of John Paul's cock nestling between his buttocks, sliding slowly between them, making John Paul's breath even hotter.

"I used to think about this moment," John Paul whispered heavily, "I used to lie in bed at night thinking about you, dreaming about being with you again… but I never really thought… I never dared to hope…"

"God John Paul, I should never have gone… I should have come back for you… I never stopped wanting you…"

Craig's words died on his lips as he felt the head of John Paul's cock press into his tight opening. It had been so long but his body soon relaxed, remembering the pleasure that John Paul could give him, and allowed him to moved slowly inside.

John Paul savoured every inch of Craig's body as it opened to let his cock move deeply into him until he was completely consumed by the flesh he had never expected to touch again.

Craig whimpered and moaned as the long forgotten pain and pleasure mingled inside his body, as John Paul's cock filled him and reminded him of the physical joys he had long ago walked away from.

John Paul gripped Craig's hips as he moved slowly in and out of the heat that gripped him so exquisitely. He wanted to make the moment last forever, he wanted to stay deep inside Craig for the rest of his life and never let him go. But his lust had other ideas and it wasn't long before his pace increased until he was pounding hard into Craig, making the man gasp with each inward thrust as it drove John Paul's cock deeper into him.

John Paul's face glistened with the sheen of sweat that covered it and his body trembled with the excitement of being with Craig again.

Craig panted heavily as John Paul moved deep, hard and fast into him. He gripped onto his own aching cock and moved his hand over its length in time to the increasing speed of John Paul's thrusts.

The hallway was filled with the sounds of their moans as their passion grew second on second until they both knew they couldn't hold back much longer.

John Paul's teeth sank into the soft skin of Craig's neck as he plunged his cock harder into him, bringing his release ever closer.

Craig's cock throbbed in his hand as John Paul's cock slammed into him, hitting that perfect spot again and again, making him cry out with pleasure as his entire body shook and he came hard, repeating John Paul's name over and over as his cock spilled its heat over his hand, leaving him breathless and satisfied.

The sounds of Craig's cries and the trembling of his body were enough to push John Paul's over the edge until, with only a few more thrusts, he released himself inside Craig, moaning into Craig's ear as he came deep inside the body he never wanted to let go of again.

John Paul rested his face against Craig's back for a moment as he recovered his breath. His legs shook and, when he finally moved, he staggered backwards until the wall behind him was against his back, giving him the support he needed.

As Craig turned around he was smiling. He had been so certain that he had lost John Paul but now he was here, with him, and whatever else happened he never needed to be without him again.

John Paul adjusted his clothing as a feeling of shame crept up on him unexpectedly. How was it possible that he could betray Simon so easily? Was he really so weak?

The smile on Craig's lips died as he saw the pained look in John Paul's eyes.

"John Paul?"

The man looked at him. His soft blue eyes were confused and the sight of them drove a sharp pain through Craig's chest.

"Please John Paul," Craig begged, "Don't say it…"

"I'm sorry," John Paul said, "I can't do this… I'm not this person… Simon, he… he deserves better…"

"Don't walk away from me John Paul, please don't make me be without you again."

Craig took a step forward, he wanted to reach out to the man, to make him see that everything would be alright but he couldn't, he knew that this was something John Paul had to work out for himself.

"I don't know what to do…" John Paul's eyes glistened with unshed tears and his voice trembled with torment.

"Stay… stay with me…"

John Paul shook his head. "I need time," he said quietly, "I need to think…"

John Paul walked shakily to the door and opened it slowly. Craig stood motionless as he felt the happiness in his chest explode into nothing.

"Take my number," Craig said, "Call me when you're ready."

John Paul didn't answer; instead he stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind him. He didn't want Craig to see the tears that covered his cheeks as he began his journey home. Back home, back to Simon, back to the man he had just deceived.


	2. Chapter 2

Simon was woken from his fitful sleep by the sound of the shower running. He had waited several hours for John Paul to return home and when he didn't Simon had fallen restlessly into their bed.

Sleep had been a long time coming to him as the image of John Paul, the man he loved, kissing someone else and holding someone else wouldn't leave his mind and, even when sleep finally took him, that very same scene haunted his dreams.

Simon turned his bleary eyes to the bedside clock. It was two in the morning. But at least John Paul had come home. He had come home and, despite the early hour, he had still felt the need for a shower. Simon felt a knot in his stomach, as there was only one reason he could think of why John Paul's shower couldn't wait until the morning.

He closed his eyes and waited. Part of him wished that John Paul wouldn't come into the bedroom, as he feared what his lover would have to tell him.

John Paul let the warmth of the shower wash over him, the droplets of water blending with the tears on his cheeks. After leaving Craig's flat he had walked. He didn't know for how long or how far but each step he took seemed to sharpen his guilt until the extent of his betrayal tore at his insides like a rusty blade.

John Paul rested his head against the cool of the bathroom tiles and wept. Never before in his life had he felt so lost and so confused. Never before had a decision been so difficult to make.

Of the two men in the world that he loved John Paul knew that he had to take the chance on one and hurt the other, losing them forever.

For two years Simon had been his rock. He trusted the man implicitly and had never once had reason to doubt him. John Paul knew without question that Simon would be there for him for the rest of his life, if he let him.

And then there was Craig. Craig Dean the man who lied to him, broke his heart and then left him behind to pick up the pieces alone. Craig Dean the man who had come very closed to destroying him. Craig Dean the man who he had never managed to stop loving despite being apart from him for ten years.

John Paul stepped out of the shower and wrapped a large towel around him. Despite the warmth of the shower and the thickness of the towel he still shivered with a cold that he couldn't escape.

Simon held his breath as he heard the bedroom door open. For a second he considered faking sleep to avoid talking to John Paul but he knew that it would only make things harder in the long run.

He opened his eyes slowly and saw John Paul flinch as their gaze met.

"Sorry," John Paul whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you…"

Simon smiled but the effort made him want to weep. "You're late… how did it go?" Simon hoped that John Paul couldn't hear the pain in his voice.

John Paul shrugged, "We had a lot to catch up on… you know how it is."

"Are you seeing him again?"

John Paul sighed as he climbed into bed beside the man he had slept beside for two years. "Can we talk tomorrow?" He asked, "I'm really tired."

Simon nodded and accepted John Paul's arms as they pulled him into a warm embrace. He rested his head against John Paul's chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart.

Was it possible that he had misinterpreted what he had witnessed between John Paul and Craig? Try as he did to convince himself of that fact Simon could not deny the passion he had seen between the two men, nor could he ignore the look of guilt that flashed across John Paul's eyes when he spoke.

John Paul held on to Simon as if his very life depended on it. His head spun and his heart raced. He had no idea what to do for the best but one thing was certain, he wouldn't be able to lie to Simon for long. No matter what else might happen Simon deserved better, he deserved the truth and John Paul deserved whatever consequences might come his way.

---

For three days John Paul managed not to talk about Craig.

For three days he avoided confessing his guilt to Simon.

For three days he did his very best not to look Simon in the eye.

And for three days he felt the shame gnawing away at his insides.

On the fourth day John Paul could stand it no longer. For the sake of his sanity and his conscience he had to talk to Simon and tell him that his boyfriend was a liar and a cheat.

Simon tried to prevent his hands from shaking as he buttered his toast. He could feel John Paul's eyes on him, observing him over the breakfast table and he knew instinctively that this was the moment he had been dreading for the last few days.

As he lifted his gaze he met the stare of John Paul's eyes. The rich dazzling blue that was quite unlike anything he had ever seen before, or would ever see again. It had been John Paul's eyes that had first drawn him to the man and now it was the sadness in those eyes that would break his heart.

"I need to talk to you…" John Paul began with a shaky voice.

Simon bit into his toast and immediately regretted it, as he had to force the food down his throat despite the fact that all he wanted to do was vomit.

"What's wrong?" Simon asked trying to keep his voice level.

"I never meant to… I didn't know…" John Paul bit his lip, why did this have to be so hard, why did Craig have to come back, why did Simon have to look at him in that way? So many why's but no answers. "I'm an awful person Simon, I really am and you deserve so much better…"

"Just tell me John Paul… get it over with… I can't stand the waiting any longer…"

John Paul's brow furrowed. He really believed that he had kept his guilt shielded from Simon's eyes but the look in those soft grey globes were suddenly telling him a different story.

"You know don't you?"

"What… that my boyfriend slept with someone behind my back and then crawled into bed beside me?" There was a bitterness in Simon's voice that made John Paul wince and the ferocity of his guilt increased ten fold.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't I?" Simon spat the words at John Paul as the pain and anger that he had kept buried inside for the last few days erupted from him, "Because I thought that the man who said he loved me would at least have the decency to come clean if he was sleeping with someone behind my back…"

"I didn't know how to… how to explain…"

"What's to explain… Craig came back… it's what you've always been waiting for…"

"That's not true… I loved you… I love you… but with him it's… different."

"And what now John Paul? What happens next… is it him or me?"

John Paul drops his gaze to the tabletop, unable to meet the hurt look in Simon's eyes any longer. Unable to see what his words would do to the man that loved him so easily and trusted him right up until the point that he betrayed that trust.

"I'm sorry Simon… I really am… but I have to know… I have to take the chance… if I don't I'll always be left wondering…"

"And if he lets you down again?"

"I have to know," John Paul repeated sadly finally lifting his gaze to Simon's and feeling a fresh stab of guilt at the tears in shimmering in Simon's eyes.

"I can't stay around to watch that," Simon said slowly, "And I won't be here to pick up the pieces if it all falls apart."

"I know." John Paul hated what he was doing to Simon but he knew that the doubt he was feeling would have tarnished their relationship in the end. Knowing that Craig was so close and still wanted him, how could his love for anyone else survive that? "I really am so sorry…"

Simon looked at his watch before getting to his feet. "I've got to get to work," he said flatly, "I'm already late…"

"We'll talk later yeah?"

Simon didn't reply but the cold empty look in his eyes said it all. What was there left to say?

---

John Paul had never known an 8-hour workday could last so long. He had tried to call Simon several times but with no success. Each call to his mobile had been swiftly rejected and when he tried to call Simon's office he had been told the man was on another call, or in a meeting, or had already left for the day. All of which John Paul was certain were lies, in all the time he had known Simon he had never known him finish work early, whatever the cause. It was obvious that Simon didn't want to talk to him and John Paul could hardly blame him.

At 5pm John Paul virtually sprinted from the office and was home in record time. As he opened the front door he called out to Simon but got no reply.

Walking into the living room John Paul got the sense of something being different. The air contained the vague hint of furniture polish and the carpet looked freshly vacuumed.

Looking at the mantle piece John Paul noticed a gap where a framed photograph of him and Simon had being standing only that morning.

His gaze travelled around the room registering more and more things that were missing. He rushed to the bedroom but he already knew what he would find when he got there. The bed was stripped and a pile of fresh linen was folded into a neat pile at the foot of the bed.

Opening the wardrobe door confirmed what he already knew. Half of the clothes were gone. Simon's clothes were gone. Simon was gone.

John Paul sat down on the bed with a sigh. He had never wanted things to end this way.

The guilt that had been gnawing at the back of his mind all day was given full dominion over his emotions and John Paul gave in and let the tears fall.

Through his tears John Paul saw a folded piece of paper lying on top of the fresh sheets.

His name was written neatly on the paper in Simon's distinctive writing and John Paul's hand shook as he picked it up.

The note was short but each word hit him like a blow, pushing the air from his lungs and leaving him drained.

"Dear John Paul

I can't stay around to say goodbye. Just like I can't stay to watch you in the arms of another man. I've applied for a transfer and I should be out of Manchester very soon.

I thought what we had was something special. I thought that when you said you loved me, when you said we were for keeps you meant it. I didn't realise that forever only meant until Craig came back for you.

I want to wish you well John Paul but you've even taken that from me. All you've left me with is bitterness. I never thought I could feel anything but love for you until I saw you kissing him. Now what I feel for you I don't even have a word for.

I don't understand how you can take a chance on someone who hurt you so badly in the past and a part of me hopes that he does it again. And in hoping that I've learned how much I can hate myself.

Simon"

John Paul let the note slip from his hand and flutter to the floor. He could remember the last time he had felt this guilty. The last time he had realised how much pain he had inflicted on another person. He could still remember the time that Hannah Ashworth told him exactly how much he had hurt her, how he had "destroyed" her. The girl he had tried to love when all he had really wanted was Craig. It was always Craig. No matter what else happened it always came back to Craig.

"Please Craig," John Paul whispered to the air, "Please let it be worth it this time… please don't let me down again."

It took John Paul some time to find the right building, the right street even. He had been somewhat distracted a few days earlier when Craig had taken him back to his flat. But finally, after a few wrong turns, John Paul found himself stood outside a building that looked familiar and as he took the few steps that lead up to the front door he felt a new born hope in his chest.

His hand hovered for a second over the assortment of buttons until he saw the one that said "Dean." John Paul pressed the button firmly and, although he could not hear anything, he assumed that a bell was ringing somewhere deep inside Craig's flat.

After a few minutes John Paul pressed the button again. Trust Craig to have gone out this evening of all evenings.

As he turned to go a window on the ground floor opened and a woman's head peered through the gap.

"Who you looking for sweetheart?" The woman looked in her mid-sixties and reminded John Paul of his mother, so much so that he took an instant liking to her.

"Craig," he replied with a smile, "Craig Dean… third floor."

The woman peered at John Paul quizzically. "You John Paul?"

John Paul grinned at the thought that Craig had been talking about him. "Yeah that's right."

"Wait there a minute sweetheart."

John Paul stood nervously as waiting as he heard the woman approach and open the front door. She was shorter than he had thought and John Paul towered over her but he could tell that she had a strength that ran far deeper than her physical stature.

"D'you know where he's gone… when he'll be back?" John Paul asked with a broad smile.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart but you've missed him… he's gone."

"Gone? I don't understand… gone? Gone where?"

"I don't know… couple of days ago he packed up and moved out. Said he couldn't stay. Strangest thing he'd already paid three months rent in advance and didn't even argue when I say he wouldn't be able to get it back."

John Paul stood open mouthed. He felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. He felt as if someone had just stolen the world from him.

"He can't be gone," he breathed, more to himself than to the small woman before him, "Why would he go?"

"I don't know sweetheart," the woman replied not realising the question wasn't directed at her, "He expected you though… said you might come by sometime… asked me to give you something."

John Paul looked in amazement as the woman held out a white envelope to him. A letter? Another letter? Two letters, from two lovers in the space of two hours, that had to be some kind of a record.

"Thank you," John Paul mumbled as he took the envelope from her hand and turned to leave.

"He was right about you sweetheart," she called after him.

"Sorry?"

"He said I'd recognise you right off… said you had the most beautiful blue eyes I would ever have seen… he was right about that."

John Paul smiled at her words but the smile didn't reach the blue of his eyes and he wasn't sure it ever would again.

Standing dejectedly at the curb John Paul ripped open the envelope in his hand and removed the piece of paper folded neatly inside.

He would have known Craig's handwriting anywhere and he smiled for a second as he remember all the times they had "studied" together, all the secret notes they had hidden in each others pockets and all of the times they had been happy. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Dear John Paul

Well it looks like I still have the ability to run away. I had no right to come back to the club looking for you, or to ask you to leave the man you're living with and take a chance on me.

I'm not good enough for you John Paul, I never was and I never will be. I know in the end I would only end up hurting you and you deserve better than that… you deserve better than me.

Finding you again, it was like coming home. But we're not children anymore and we can't carry on playing the same games. At least I can't. I was jealous when you told me you had someone but I realise that is no reason to try and take the life you have away from you.

Maybe one day I will be strong enough to stop running. Maybe one day I will even be the kind of man you deserve. But today isn't that day and I'm not that man.

I hope that you haven't told Simon about us yet, but knowing your conscience you probably have. Ask him to forgive you… tell him it was all me… tell him how much you need him… tell him that you love him.

I'm sorry to run out on you again, I'm sorry to do this in a letter but you know me, I'll always look for the easy way out… I'll always be a coward.

Goodbye John Paul.

Love Craig.

PS Please don't think that this is because I don't love you… it's because I do and I always will."

John Paul didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream but in the end he let his legs buckle beneath him as he sank onto the cold hard ground.

Craig Dean had done it again. Just like he had ten years ago. He'd promised John Paul everything, made him believe that they could have a life together and then taken it all away.

Just like ten years ago he'd left John Paul alone.

Just like ten years ago he'd left John Paul with nothing.

And just like ten years ago John Paul knew that he would welcome Craig back in a heartbeat if only he knew where to find him.

---

"Look I'm sorry JP mate… I didn't want to say anything… but we've been getting complaints." The bar manager shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he spoke to the blond haired DJ.

"Complaints? About what?" John Paul asked.

"Look mate, people come here for a good time, and all this stuff you've been playing lately, well frankly it's depressing. It's a good job you only work once a month or we'd be out of business by now."

John Paul frowned as he considered his recent play lists. "I didn't realise," he said quietly.

"I know… the thing with Simon can't have been easy… but it's been three months… you've gotta move on mate. Don't let the bastards grind you down eh?"

John Paul smiled gratefully at the man's words, even if his sympathy was completely misplaced.

He hadn't told anyone in his life about Craig, he wasn't sure if that was through shame or guilt. Just like he hadn't told anyone the reason for Simon's sudden transfer. How would it help for people to know? He felt stupid enough already without everyone laughing behind his back.

John Paul located a mix CD of tracks that he had done some time ago, for use when the club was quiet, when he needed a break or sometime, just sometimes, when he was feeling particularly lazy. He slipped the disc into the player and faded out the song that was on, blending it with the livelier first track of the CD until the more cheerful music filled the club.

"I'll leave this playing for a bit," John Paul said with an apologetic smile, "I just need a few minutes… sort myself out."

John Paul hardly recognised the face that looked back at him from the mirror of the gent's toilets. It was thinner than it had been a few months ago, paler and his eyes had a dull haunted look about them.

Three months… had it really only been three months? John Paul felt like he had been alone forever.

But only three months had passed since he got Craig's letter, since he got Simon's letter, since he watched his happiness and his life slipping though his fingers.

He had sat for some time on the curb outside Craig's flat or rather the place that had been Craig's flat. He had never felt so alone or so lost in his entire life and for a while he felt that he might just sit there forever and wait to be taken away with the rest of the rubbish.

His saviour had come in the shape of the small woman from the flats, who turned out to be the landlady. She had watched him sitting dejectedly for some time and grew concerned for the young man with the pretty blue eyes until she couldn't bear to watch any longer and went outside to speak to him.

"Are you alright sweetheart?" She had asked gently.

John Paul held the crumpled letter in his hand and his cheeks were stained with tears. "He's gone," he said sadly, "He's gone and I'm too late…"

"I can't have you sitting out here all day you're making the place look untidy," her tone was soft and jovial and John Paul appreciated her efforts to make him smile, "Come inside and have a cuppa, you look like you could do with it."

John Paul gratefully took the small woman's hand and let himself be lead back inside the building.

He sat with her for several hours and, without realising it, he told her everything. Every stupid sordid detail of his relationship with Craig, of the hurt, of the pain, of the passion and how, no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't hate the man, he still couldn't stop loving him.

She listened with sympathy and understanding and endless cups of tea. John Paul felt himself unburdened as he spoke, finally being able to express how he felt without fear of judgement or repercussions. But in the end nothing that he said, nothing that she said, could take away the empty feeling deep inside him. There was only one thing, one person, that could do that and he was gone… and John Paul didn't think he would ever be coming back.

John Paul splashed his face with cold water and sighed. Even the joy of DJ-ing had paled since Craig had left and, not for the first time, he seriously considered giving it up.

"Where are you Craig?" he asked his reflection, "Why did you go… just when we had the chance to finally be together."

"Because I'm an idiot."

John Paul spun around at the sound of the voice. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the door opening and he hadn't heard the man walking into the room.

John Paul couldn't speak as he looked into two deep brown eyes framed with long thick lashes. He couldn't breath as his gaze travelled over the soft, lightly tanned skin and the full pink lips that were curved into a gentle smile topped with a single mole that was just asking to be kissed.

"I'm a coward, I'm stupid and I'm an idiot."

"You already said idiot…"

"I'm a big idiot…"

"I won't argue with that," John Paul's mind was racing he wasn't sure what to do or think or say. "You left…"

"I know…"

"Why? Why do that again?"

"Did I mention I was an idiot?" Craig laughed gently his eyes sparkling as he did.

"I'm serious Craig… how could you do that to me again?"

"I got scared," Craig walked slowly forward as he spoke, "I got so close to having what I always wanted and I got scared that I would mess it up…"

"So you ran?"

"Isn't that what I always do?"

"You came back," John Paul said with a half smile, "That's new."

"I realised there was something I was even more scared of…"

"What was that?"

Craig steps had brought him close to John Paul and he placed his hand against the softness of John Paul's cheek, still damp from the water he had splashed over it.

"Being without you," Craig said quietly as he touched his lips feather-light against John Paul's mouth.

John Paul gripped onto the lapels of Craig's shirt and a ferocity burned in his eyes, in the eyes that only moments earlier had seemed dull and lifeless.

"If you EVER walk out on me again Craig Dean I WILL kill you."

"If I'm ever that stupid again," Craig agreed, "I deserve to die!"

---

John Paul McQueen opened his eyes slowly as consciousness began to seep into his mind. He felt warm and comfortable and content, and very reluctant to ever move again.

Turning his head to one side his eyes settled on the slumberous face next to him. Long thick dark lashes rested on soft cheeks and a half smile played on full pink lips.

John Paul was torn between a desire to watch the man sleep some more or to wake him so that he could fully enjoy the softness of that mouth.

The decision was made for him as the dark lashes lifted to reveal the deep chocolate brown eyes hidden beneath.

"Morning," Craig mumbled in a sleepy voice as he snuggled deeply into the arms that John Paul opened to him.

"Morning," John Paul replied kissing the top of Craig's head.

Craig nestled into John Paul's embrace, pressing his mouth to the warmth of John Paul's bare chest and sighing contentedly.

John Paul breathed in the scent of the man in his arms. It was intoxicating and stirred his senses far more than any other fragrance ever had, or ever could. The smell of Craig's shampoo, the scent of his shower gel, the lingering touch of aftershave but above it all, and more powerful than any of them, was the aroma of Craig, of his skin, of his very being. And it was one perfume that no designer could ever reproduce. It was the one perfume that John Paul wanted to breath for the rest of his life.

He kissed the softness of Craig's hair again and tightened his arms around the man. Craig murmured lightly against John Paul's chest and pressed his body closer against the beautiful blond man who held him so close.

John Paul still couldn't quite believe that Craig was there. In his bed, in his arms… in his life.

Even at his happiest John Paul had known that something was missing but he had never wanted to admit what it was. Not until those deep brown eyes met his across the crowded club and reminded him how much love he was capable of feeling.

"We made it," John Paul whispered into Craig's hair.

"Hmm?"

"I said we made it… we actually did."

Craig opened his sleepy eyes and lifted them to look into the bright blue globes shining down on him. A smile spread across his face as the meaning of John Paul's words penetrated his mind.

"We really did…"

"No more running away…"

"No more lies…"

"No more being apart…"

"Never…"

"I love you Craig Dean."

"You'd better, coz I'm not going anywhere... Not for the rest of my life…"

"Well you MIGHT have to get out of this bed at some point…"

"I wouldn't bank on it," Craig laughed burrowing his face into John Paul's chest, "I like it just where I am."

John Paul ran his hands over the soft skin of Craig's back and treasured its delicate feel beneath his fingertips.

"I like you just where you are too," John Paul agreed as his hands roamed freely over Craig's warm, relaxed body.

Craig sighed at John Paul's touch, his senses awaking from their sleep as John Paul's hands aroused every inch of his flesh until he could resist their demands no longer.

Raising his head from its resting place against John Paul's chest Craig pressed his mouth gently against John Paul's lips. He savoured their softness; their warmth and the way that kissing this beautiful man made him feel more alive than anything or anyone else in his entire life.

John Paul's fingers sank into the thickness of Craig's hair as their kiss intensified, holding him close and pressing their mouths even harder together. Wanting to taste him, wanting to explore him and wanting to possess him completely.

They were both breathing heavily as the kiss broke and Craig felt his body tremble as he saw the look in John Paul's eyes. A look of lust, of desire, but above all it was a look of total unrelenting love.

"How did I almost let you get away again?" Craig asked as he stroked his hand over the smooth skin of John Paul's cheek.

"Because you're an idiot," John Paul replied with a small laugh, "I think we established that some time ago!"

"So how do you put up with me?" Craig's fingers were trailing over the plumpness of John Paul's mouth as he spoke.

"Because you're MY idiot and I love you too much to be without you," John Paul replied taking the tip of Craig's finger between his lips and swirling his tongue warmly over it.

Craig swallowed hard as John Paul's lips clamped tightly around his finger, pulling it deeper into his mouth and sucking on it lightly, whilst never for a second removing his gaze from the rich brown eyes that stared at him in surprise.

"You're a very wicked man John Paul McQueen," Craig said with a shaky voice.

"So stop me," John Paul replied, still holding onto Craig's finger with his teeth as he spoke. "Stop me any time you like…"

Craig laughed deep in his throat. "I didn't say I was objecting," he said slowly as John Paul's tongue wrapped itself around the length of his finger, mesmerising him with its suggestion, "But if you carry on doing that I won't be responsible for my actions!"

John Paul raised his eyebrows in amusement and sucked Craig's finger deeper into his mouth, his tongue flicking suggestively over it and the soft sounds of "mmmm" coming from deep within his throat sending vibrations through Craig's flesh.

"Right that's IT," Craig said raising himself upright and kneeling between John Paul's thighs whilst, somewhat regretfully, extracting his finger from the comfort of John Paul's mouth, "Don't say you weren't warned."

Craig leant over his lover with a mischievous glint in his eyes and his body showing very definite signs of the effect that John Paul had been having on it.

With his hands on John Paul's shoulders, pinning him firmly against the bed, Craig lowered his mouth to cover John Paul's soft lips and kissed him firmly. As Craig's tongue found its way inside his mouth John Paul reached up his arms and, snaking them around Craig's neck, he pulled the man down on top of him.

Both men moan quietly as the heat of their bodies combined and the firmness of their cocks pressed against each other. John Paul raised his hips ever so slightly, causing Craig to gasp as the extra friction moved over his erection until he ached for more.

John Paul held his lover tightly as he arched his back, grinding their bodies together, until Craig was panting with a lust he couldn't contain. He had no idea how John Paul managed to do that to him, managed to arouse him so quickly and so completely that all he could think about was the beautiful body beneath him and how much he desired it.

"God I want you so much John Paul," Craig said into John Paul's ear, his words touching John Paul's flesh as intimately as his hands were.

John Paul cupped Craig's face in his palms and looked longingly into the depths of his rich brown eyes. Both men held their breath as the look between them spoke more than any words ever could. It was a single look of desire, of need and of desperation but above all of love.

"I love you Craig," John Paul said with a smile, "I want you… make love to me."

Craig ran his mouth softly over John Paul's chest. Tasting his skin and feeling his body tremble at each touch, each kiss and each bite.

Pulling himself back up to his knees Craig pulled open a drawer of the bedside cabinet and removed a small bottle of lube located there without ever removing his gaze from the intensity of the blue in John Paul's eyes.

Flipping the lid of the bottle Craig poured some of the slippery liquid onto his himself. His hand moved slowly over his cock, easing the oil over its length and enjoying the sensation that ran through his body. But even more enjoyable was the look in John Paul's eyes as the man's gaze moved to watch the journey of Craig's hand.

John Paul bit his lip as he watched Craig touching himself, so slowly and so seductively. He couldn't take his eyes from Craig's cock as it glistened with the shimmer of oil that coated it and his body ached with a need for it inside him.

"Craig." The word was a whisper on John Paul's lips but it was also a plea to the man before him and Craig answered it simply.

Running his hands over John Paul's thighs Craig smiled at the sighs that escaped his lover's lips. His hands moved higher as John Paul lifted himself to meet them, thrilling at the sensation as Craig's skin caressed his buttocks and parted them gently as he guided the head of his cock towards the tight opening that he knew would give him so much pleasure.

Craig couldn't tear his eyes from the sight before him as he pushed against John Paul's body and he saw it open to him as his cock eased slowly inside.

John Paul's fingers curled into the sheets as he raised his hips higher, urging Craig deeper into him as the firmness of Craig's cock filled his desperate body and made him moan with delight.

Craig had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted this man. He had never known sex could be as wonderful as it was with this man. But with John Paul he realised it was more than sex, it was more than just achieving the physical pleasure; with John Paul it was an expression of love, with John Paul Craig realised that he learned how to make love.

Craig pushed himself fully into John Paul until his cock was entirely engulfed by the heat of his body, by the tight gripping ecstasy of his flesh. He moved in a slow steady rhythm, pulling his cock almost out completely before driving it back into the rapture of John Paul, thrusting himself deeper and harder with each stroke as John Paul raised himself to meet Craig's body, moaning loudly and pulling Craig hard against him, pushing his tongue deeply into Craig's mouth, as deeply as Craig's cock was inside him.

The excitement of John Paul's body was almost unbearable and Craig couldn't hold back his desire as he pound himself harder and faster into that willing flesh, his cock ramming deep into John Paul and causing the man to cry out as each inward thrust hit its target sending shockwaves throughout John Paul's entire being.

Craig wrapped his hand around the hard pulsating length of John Paul's cock and gripped it firmly. John Paul's moans increased at the double pleasure of Craig deep inside him and his hand stroking over his desperate cock. John Paul's hand clawed at Craig's back, trying to get the man even deeper into him, urging him on as his body screamed for release.

The room was filled with ever increasing moans and the intense heat of two bodies consumed with desire as they both raced towards ultimate satisfaction.

Craig could feel the growing pressure of John Paul's cock as it throbbed hot and heavy in his palm. He gripped it tighter and thrust himself harder into John Paul, pounding against that spot over and over again until John Paul screamed out his pleasure and his cock released its pent up desire hotly over Craig's hand and onto his belly.

Even before John Paul had regained his senses Craig was gripping his hips tightly, his final thrusts inside that hot body sending his climax washing over him in wave after wave of pure bliss as his cock poured out its hunger for the man he loved.

Craig let his body collapse next to John Paul on the bed. His brow glistened with a sheen of sweat and his eyes were glazed as his body tried to comprehend the intensity of his orgasm.

"Craig…" John Paul said softly.

"Hmm..?"

"Happy anniversary!"

Craig smiled and touched a gentle kiss against John Paul's lips.

"A whole year," he said with a soft laugh, "Who would have thought…"

"I always knew we'd get there in the end," John Paul said confidently.

"Really?"

"OK," he admitted, "I always hoped!"

Craig snuggled back into the arms that made him feel alive and sighed with contentment.

"I wonder…" John Paul began with a small smile playing across his lips.

"What?"

"What was it that made us find each other back in Hollyoaks… back in school."

"Oh that's easy," Craig said raising himself up on one elbow and looking into the dazzling blue eyes that he never tired of.

"Oh it is? Do tell…"

"It was karma," Craig announced, "Or maybe fate!"

John Paul laughed. "Or maybe the universe just recognised two souls that belonged together."

Craig nodded as he returned his head to the soft pillow of John Paul's chest. He certainly knew exactly where he belonged.


End file.
